Made to Crave - Chapter 6

Tonight I just finished Made to Crave!  Finally!  It was a 193 page book - it shouldn't have taken me so long to read it.  But my excuse, as will continue to be for everything that I lack these days, is because of school.  I wish I would have stayed more on track with the book so as to stay in the spirit of it all while I read it.  Ah well.  I'm finished and that's what counts.

• Chapter 1 Reflections
• Chapter 2 Reflections
• Chapter 3 Reflections
• Chapter 4 Reflections
• Chapter 5 Reflections 

Highlighted passages from this chapter:

• "How do you grow closer to God?"  "By making the choice to deny ourselves something that is permissible but not beneficial.  And making this intentional sacrifice for the sole purpose of growing closer to God.  After all, Jesus said, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'"
  
• "Yes, I want to lose weight. But this journey is so much more than just that. It really is about learning to tell myself no and learning to make wiser choices daily.  And somehow becoming a woman of self-discipline honors God and helps me live the godly characteristic of self-control.  The fruit of the Spirit is a list of godly characteristics: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  In the end, pursuing self-control does help my heart feel closer to Jesus and more pure to receive what he wants for me each day...."
  
• "....live with the willingness to walk away when the Holy Spirit nudges you and says, 'That food choice is permissible but not beneficial - so don't eat it.'"
  
• Prayer to pray: "I need wisdom to make wise choices.  I need insight to remember the words I've read in Scripture.  I need power beyond what I can find on my own."
  
• When the apostle Paul says in Philippians 3:18-19 that "'their god is their stomach', he means that food can become so consuming that people find themselves ruled by it. [....we find that certain foods are impossible to wlak away from - we can't or won't deny ourselves an unhealthy choice in order to make a healthier one - then it's a clue we are being ruled by this food on some level.  Being ruled by something other than God diminishes our commitment and will make us feel increasingly distant from Him."

Chapter 6 was titled "Growing Closer to God".  The reflection questions are:

1.  What is your response to the idea that we grow closer to God when we deny ourselves something that is permissible but not beneficial?  Have you ever had an experience of denying yourself that helped you grow closer to God? Do you believe this could be true for you in your battle with food?

I would definitely agree that we grow closer to God when we are sacrificing something that we've made a priority in our life.  It makes total sense.  I would say that people who experience addiction can attest to this.  If you're trying to kick that habit (smoking, alcohol, drugs, food, whatever!), you know how incredibly hard it is, especially taking that first step.  You need God's help to get you through those critical moments.  

I cannot say I've had an experience where I've denied myself of something and it has resulted in a closer relationship with God.  Though, that is what I have gotten out of reading this book.  If I want to be truly successful at weight loss, I need to start asking Him for help - because I prove to myself almost daily that I'm not capable of doing it alone!   By seeking His guidance, the relationship will flourish from there.

2. The apostle Paul lists self-control among the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).  Are there areas of life in which you experience self-control and feel that your self-discipline and wise choices honor God?  For example, in your spending decisions or how you manage your time? What insights about your strengths in those areas might help you to honor God and grow in self-control with your food choices?

I have thought about this exact concept over and over in my weight loss journey.  I am so disciplined with finances & concentrating on my studies, why cannot I not be that disciplined when it comes to weight loss?  I don't live beyond my means financially.  When school is in session, I don't procrastinate with studying.  Why, when it comes to weight loss, can I not translate that same level of self control to my journey?  I don't know!

The way I've approached school and money management is simple:  I will not fail.  I will not spend more than I make.  I will not procrastinate/not do my homework.  Failure to abide by my goals for those two things scares the crap out of me.  Yet, with weight loss.... ugh.  So, I know I have it in me to be disciplined.  I know how to do it.  I just have to figure out how to apply that to my weight loss journey.

3. Have you ever had the experience of the Holy Spirit nudging you in connection with your food choices? If so, what was that like? If not, how do you hope the Holy Spirit might help you now?

I think God is that little voice in the back of my head saying, "Hilary, you don't need to stuff your face with x, y and/or z."  Yes, I know I've heard that voice many times telling me I didn't need more of what I was eating at the time.  While there have been a few times that that voice was enough to stop me, sadly, more times than not, it hasn't.  

4. As Christians, our calling - and our source of spiritual nourishment - is to do God's will and finish His work (John 4:34).  To what degree have consuming thoughts about food impacted your ability to pursue your calling and receive spiritual nourishment?

I've definitely had days where I start off completely focused on my weight loss journey, ready to tackle the mountain of to-do's I have, and then something negative happens.  This could be a stressful situation at work.  A disagreement with Joel.  Whatever the case might be - something goes awry.  And then, sometimes, the way I deal with that negative emotion is to eat.  Then everything quickly goes south.  I can no longer focus on what I originally had planned to do that day because now I'm swimming in a pool of guilt for having just eaten away a day's worth, if not a week's worth, of Points.  This is just a small example.  I've had "fat days", where I just feel like such crap about myself, I cannot even get out of bed to go to work.  Now, I try not to make a habit of this (for so many reasons!), but it has been known to happen on occasion.  It's sad.  And it is getting in the way of living my life to its fullest!

5.  Would you say you are spiritually well fed, spiritually malnourished, or somewhere in between?  Have you ever tried to use food to satisfy your feelings of spiritual hunger?  What was the result?

I would definitely say I'm somewhere in between.  I've definitely eaten out of all sorts of emotions on SO many occasions.  And I'm doing that to try to find happiness.  The result is the similar to the phrase "Money doesn't buy happiness".  Well, food doesn't provide happiness either.  It just digs that emotional hole even deeper. 

6. If we find certain foods impossible to walk away from, this is a clue that we are being ruled by food on some level.  Are there foods you can't or won't deny yourself in order to make healthier choices? Why are these foods especially important to you?  What thoughts and feelings arise when you think about potentially giving them up?

My major problem is sugar.  I love sweets.  I've tried giving them up in the past and it does bad things to me.  And what I mean by that is, I've given them up entirely with the hopes of losing weight.  What ends up happening is that I just substitute one addiction for another.  So while I've given up sugar, I end up consuming larger quantities of other things that I normally wouldn't.  Then I really gain the weight! 

One thing I have to come to terms with about one of the main points of this book is "deprivation".  Lysa, in my opinion, says that if we deprive ourselves of certain foods, we then form a closer relationship with God (not automatically of course).  That might be the case.  I'm not opposed to a closer relationship with Him.  However, I don't believe that that is the answer for me.  Yes, I know I need to limit the quantity of food I eat daily.  Yes, I do believe there are foods that I should cut out of my life completely because there is just no nutritional benefit to them.  However, I don't want to give up sweets entirely.  I just want to learn how to have them in moderation.  I believe that God can help me achieve that as well.

I don't know why sweets are so important to me.  When I think about giving them up for eternity, I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on some epic tasting food!  Frankly, it just seems wrong to live without chocolate.  I'm not even being funny!  It's how I feel! 

I just want to do the best that I can with what I've been given.  And right now, I am fully willing to admit that I cannot go it alone.

Turmeric Roasted Cauliflower

I have no doubt that my continued On Plan success this week has come from the aid of my husband in the cooking department.  There is simply not enough time in my day to do all that I want to do, which includes cooking a healthy and full course meal each night.  On weekends I typically do a slew of meal prep for the upcoming week, but September has completely devoured all of my weekends with weddings and other fun activities.

Tonight, Joel made one of my favorite meals in the pressure cooker.   He used the sweet turkey sausage from Shady Brook Farms along with some broth, peppers and onions.  Out comes a delicious hot sausage meal in, literally, minutes.  That pressure cooker was one of the best things I've ever received as far as cooking tools.  Meals are completed so quickly and easily and deliciously.

an old pic of these delicious sausages! (you can tell it's
mine since I don't eat peppers & onions :) )

In addition to the tasty meat came the side dish of turmeric roasted cauliflower - a veggie dish I most recently enjoyed at FitBloggin via the McCormick Spice experience.  Anything that is simple and gets me eating veggies is a major plus to me.  However, next time we are going to half the amount of olive oil and not include any salt.  It was super salty and oily.  I know that EVOO is good for us digestively speaking (helping us to absorb other nutrients more easily), but there was definitely too much oil for this Weight Watchin' gal.

I did finish off my day slightly over my DPT by 3 PP.  I had a cup of chocolate milk after my dinner.  I love milk so much and drinking it was totally worth it.  It served as my dessert for the evening!  

And after that very salty dish, it's just me and my Nalgene tonight!

FitBloggin' Recap Part 2 & Joel Does the Cookin'

Yesterday was a great On Plan day for me.  I think what worked yesterday was just constantly keeping busy.  I had my second A&P exam last night and I spent most of the day studying.  {I ended up with a 'B', which is fine, but I was striving for an 'A'.  Still, given my extremely busy social life these days, that 'B' is great!}  Once I got home from taking the exam, I spent the entire evening playing with my new iPhone 5!   It feels so good to finally have an awesome phone.

I talked yesterday about the abundance of new bloggers I met while at FitBloggin', and those I cannot wait to start following along with.  I've updated my Blog Roll on the left to showcase those newbies.

Lauren @ Oatmeal After Spinning, Kelly @ No Thanks to Cake, 
Ashley @ Coffee Cake & Cardio

Kenlie @ All The Weigh

Danielle @ Elley Exposed

Lauren @ Oatmeal After Spinning

Since this week will be far less stressful in terms of school and my social life, I know that I am on track to weigh in with a nice loss this week.   The last 2 days have been rather easy for me on WW - no stress eating and just keeping busy.  Eating out of boredom/emotion gets me every time.  

Something else that has helped extraordinarily this week is handing over the cooking reigns to Joel in it's entirety and letting him do all of the meal planning/cooking.  Oh, how the stress that has melted away is a remarkable feeling.  I love cooking.  I take pride in being able to "do it all", but I'm going to welcome this offer of help from him.  Joel's meals are always simple and delicious, and he never ceases to abide by my WW needs.  One of his awesome meals this week was a Zatarain's Reduced Sodium New Orleans Style Jambalaya (3 PointsPlus!!) combined with 3 Shady Brook Farms Hot Italian Turkey Sausage links.  Amazing!

I'm moving in the right direction for a loss!  I already have all of my breakfasts planned out for the week and added to eTools.  

Thank you God for giving me such a loving husband!

FitBloggin Reflections

From Thursday through Sunday of this past week, I attended my first ever blogging conference in Baltimore, MD.  The name of the conference is FitBloggin' and it brings people together who care about being healthy.  I learned a lot about the business of blogging, social media strategies and other morsels of the blogging lifestyle.

I also met a ton of amazing bloggers - those who I have followed for years and those who are brand new to me.  The whole thing was rather surreal.  Never in a million years did I think I would ever meet some of the bloggers I read daily, including Bitch Cakes, Roni, and Gina.   On top of meeting some of my long time favorites, I also got to meet one of my new favorites, Kelly @ No Thanks to Cake.  Still, there are so many others I cannot wait to add to my reader who seem to have such amazing stories that I know I can truly benefit from.

Bitch Cakes

Gina from Skinny Taste

Kelly!

One thing that became very apparent to me during this conference is that I need to bring The Big Weight back to what it's initial intent was: documenting my journey purely for my own benefit.  While FitBloggin had so many informative sessions on the entire business surrounding a blog, I quickly realized that my intention for TBW (at this time, at least), is not to make a business out of her.  I'm not writing for statistical purposes, i.e. gaining an insane number of webpage hits or being a Twitter/Facebook superstar.  I started TBW so that I could document my weight loss journey to provide a way to reflect on what worked and what didn't.

I think that sometimes I've gotten caught up in wanting to write what "my readers" want to read and forgetting about the true purpose of TBW.  I don't ever want what I write to lack authenticity.   It's not about how many people are reading each post/tweet.  It's about me finally losing The Big Weight and being able to have a way to reflect on this journey.

In the meantime, if I am able to inspire someone along the way - fabulous! - but my goal is to stay true to myself and true to the goal of TBW: lose the weight while learning more about myself each day!

Made to Crave - Chapter 5

At this point, I am 2 chapters shy of finishing Made to Crave.  I will provide a full review once it's over.  While it is taking me awhile to complete the reflections, I'm glad I'm doing them.  I know it's important for me to try every avenue at understanding my weaknesses when it comes to food.  This is just another approach in that discovery process.

• Chapter 1 Reflections
• Chapter 2 Reflections
• Chapter 3 Reflections
• Chapter 4 Reflections

The title of this chapter was "Made for More".  I highlighted several passages from this chapter that I found thought-provoking/inspirational and wanted to share.

Passage 1:
"We must ask God to join us in this journey.  We need to ask God's wisdom, revelation and intervening power to be an integral part of our food choices from now on.  Why not make this a daily prayer, first thing in the morning, before we've eaten a thing that day: 'God, I recognize I am made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by food.  I need to eat to live, not live to eat. So, I keep asking for Your wisdom to know what to eat and Your indwelling power to walk away from things that are not beneficial for me.'"

Passage 2:
"The real reason for grounding ourselves in the truth that we are made for more is 'so that you may know him better'.  The more we operate in the truth of who we are and the reality that we were made for more, the closer to God we'll become."

Passage 3:
"We would do well to pray for the eyes of our hearts to be enlightened to this hope and power.  Too many times, we try to muster up the gumption to make changes in our lives on our own.  It doesn't take long for the dark feelings of discouragement, disillusionment and defeat to fill our hearts." 

1. "I was made for more" is a spiritual truth that unlocks great power for Christians.  When you think of your past failures and your current struggles with food, how do you hope this truth might help you?
I think about this concept often.  There are many days where I live in disbelief that I am still struggling with this overweight lifestyle.  You know how when you're a kid, and you look up to those older than you thinking how smart they must be and how much they must know?  I always used to think, "I can't wait until I'm an independent adult.  I won't be struggling with my weight any longer.  Finally, I will be in control of my own food choices and I will, at last, overcome this battle."  It was as though, an older and wiser Hilary wouldn't be this weak and food-dependent.  Yet, here I am, 28 years old, still fighting this fight.  So yes, deep down, I know I was made for more than living like this.  I cannot live the full life that God wants me to live if I continue to overeat and, thus, get down on myself.  There are many life experiences that I have simply bypassed purely because of my weight.  I. cannot. keep. doing. this.


2. When you introduce yourself to someone you don't know, how do you define yourself?  By your family relationships (as a wife, mother, daughter, aunt)? By a professional title, or lack of one?  By where you live or go to church? What might your introduction reveal about how you understand your own identity?
This question is quite appropriate, seeing as how I'm about to meet a bunch of people this weekend at FitBloggin' (which, by the way, I'm extremely nervous about it! How much of an imposter am I to be going to a FIT BLOGGING conference when I'm clearly no expert at losing weight. *sigh*)  I think the answer to this question probably depends on the setting for me.  In general, I think I probably tend to define who I am based on where I live.  For the last 6 years, the center of my universe has been my pure distaste for living in the DC area.  It's no secret to most that I absolutely hate living here. This city isn't me at all. 

I would say after I describe where I'm from, my next avenue would be my profession.  I'm not sure if this is a product of living in this highly competitive/political city, but it just seems to be a standard introduction to say what you do.  It seems to be people's way of classifying you in their mind as worthy or not.  Warning: there might be some bitterness coming through in that sentence. 

Anyhow, sadly, despite the fact that I just got married, the last way I would use to define myself is that I am now a wife.  Being in a relationship in this town seems to be looked down upon.  Yes, I have some married friends.  But I have just as many single friends too.  And I've definitely heard those single friends say: "I cannot imagine being married right now.  The fun would be all over."  It's like I'm being judged simply because I've found my life partner.  

So what does all of that say about how I understand my own identity?  I think it says I need to re-evaluate what is truly important in life (i.e. being a wife, an aunt, a daughter), because that is what should define me.  Not where I live.  Not where I work.  Not what grade I am on the G-S scale.  Those latter things are superficial in my book.

How does all of that translate to weight loss?  For me, I think it says that sometimes I want to lose weight for the wrong reasons.  Yes, I want to feel better about myself and be healthy.  But I cannot deny that I want to feel more accepted in this harsh, skinny-friendly world.  I know I am judged on my weight more often than not.  I try to overcome it by having a bolder personality and making jokes, but that can sometimes be a cover up.  Anyhow... I need to stop and move on to the next question :).

3. Lysa describes how she once defined her identity by her circumstances: Lysa, the broken girl from a broken home; Lysa, the girl rejected by her father; Lysa, the girl sexually abused by a grandfather figure.  Have you ever felt your identity was defined by your circumstances?  If you were to describe your identity as Lysa did, what would be on your list?
-Hilary, the girl who has to live in this city that she hates because of her husband's financial obligations. 
-Hilary, the girl who was made fun of in the girl's locker room in high school for being fat.
-Hilary, the girl who cannot live her life to its fullest because she's fat.
-Hilary, the girl who feels like she is never going to accomplish anything in life until she loses this weight, because only then will she know that she can do anything she sets her mind to. 
-Hilary, the girl who can never seem to get anything right the first time and now has to return to school to pursue the career she truly wants to have.


4. Take a moment to review the following list of statements, inserting your name before each one.  How does this understanding of how God sees you impact the circumstance-based view of your identity you listed in response to question 3?
-Hilary, the forgiven child of God. (Romans 3:24)
-Hilary, the set-free child of God. (Romans 8:1-2)
-Hilary, the accepted child of God. (1 Corinthians 1:2)
-Hilary, the holy child of God. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
-Hilary, the made-new child of God. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
-Hilary, the loved child of God. (Ephesians 1:4)
-Hilary, the close child of God. (Ephesians 2:13)
-Hilary, the confident child of God. (Ephesians 3:12)
-Hilary, the victorious child of God. (Romans 8:37)

Those sentences should be completely enough to negate all that I said in question 3.  Unfortunately, it's not that easy.  Yes, I should make a more consolidated effort to read the Bible, attend church regularly and pray more often in order to develop a better relationship with God so that I can free myself of those demeaning thoughts in question 3.

5. Refer back to page 51 or your Bible.  Reread Ephesians 1:17-20 and reflect on the key themes of the passage using the questions below.

a) Be persistent: "I keep asking".  Do you have any reservations about asking God for wisdom and power each day to help you on this journey?  How do you hope persistent prayer might help you? My reservations from asking God for help on this journey is because I feel like He's got better things to do.  People are dying from cancer.  I am simply trying to lose weight.  It's not the same. How can I whine about weight loss when much more serious things are going on in this world.  I feel that my weight loss prayers are not worthy.  I guess I would hope that persistent prayer might reveal to me that what I just said really isn't true.  He cares about us all, regardless of the magnitude of our battles.

b) Embrace a true identity: "Glorious Father." With what untruths about your identity have you struggled?  How might your life change if you could embrace the truth of your identity as a child of God?  The untruths I struggle with are that I'm just always going to be this overweight person who cannot accomplish anything in life.  And while, yes, I know I've accomplished some milestones in my life thus far, those seemed so easy compared to this journey.  I think that my life would change in that if I truly had more faith that God would get me through this journey if I just asked, I would feel The Big Weight lifted from my shoulders.

c) Find the deeper reason: "So that you may know him better."  How might God use your journey toward healthy eating as a way to help you get to know Him better? Oh I have no doubt that the goal of this journey isn't just to lose weight, it is to get to know Him better.  I know that there is simply no way I'm going to accomplish The Big Weight without him.  Plain and simple.  The struggles I'm going through at this point can only be overcome by my asking for His help.

d) Discover a hope and power like no other: "That the eyes of your heart might be enlightened."  To what degree do you feel like everything depends on you - your willpower and determination?  A little, a lot? To what degree do you believe that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is also available to help you? A little, a lot? As you reflect back on each day, how will you know whether you relied on your own strength or leaned into God's strength?  I do often feel like, because of what I said in question A, that I should be able to accomplish this weight loss on my own if I just had more willpower and determination.  While deep down I should believe that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is the same power available to me, again, I don't feel like my measly weight loss issues are that worthy.  I mean come on, Jesus died on the cross to save us all.  I'm trying to lose weight so that I can have a better life.  It doesn't seem comparable in the least!  I think that if I can allow myself to start asking God for his help, regardless of the guilt I feel in doing so, that eventually I will just know deep down that my success is coming from His doing, and not mine.  It's how I felt when God brought Joel back to me after the Terrible Awful.  Believe me, nothing or no one could have changed Joel's mind when he walked out that door in February.  But God did.  I know that because I feel it deep down in my soul.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!  :)

FitBloggin & SCM's!

It's FitBloggin' week!!!  I'm finally starting to get excited.  Since school started, I live week to week in terms of my schedule, and while I knew this event was coming up, it is only now that I am genuinely thrilled to see what this blogger conference has to offer.  It is my hope that I walk away from FitBloggin' rejuvenated in my weight loss journey so that I can continue down a path of nice and steady losses toward my goal.  I'm also looking forward to meeting/making new friends! :)


My blogger business cards came in today from Zazzle.  Holy crap!  They turned out so much better in person than I expected!  (Please let me know if that link does/doesn't work since that is a direct link to the card.)  They have a pretty pearlized finish to them with shades of purple, naturally.  Can you tell that purple is my favorite color?  Maybe not if you read TBW through a reader.  I LOVE purple!

And last but not least, I gave a good shot to making my own salted caramel mocha today.  This was my inspiration.   I altered it a little, using 1 Tbsp of Smucker's Caramel Sauce (ice cream topping) and a packet of Cold Stone Smooth Cravings 70 calorie hot chocolate.  I didn't add whipped cream either.  My calculated version came out to 5 PointsPlus!  Uhhhh... I'll definitely take a Starbucks version over mine any day :).  Still, I'd like to perfect this drink so when Starbucks says adios to theirs, I can still enjoy mine.  I found that my version was a little too chocolatey and could have used more milk. 

 Do you have a great recipe for salted caramel mochas?  Are you attending FitBloggin?

Weekend Recap

I'm just don't do creativity with titles.  Wonder what this is going to be about?

Well, I started my weekend/WW week off on the right foot.  I lost 4.8 lbs bringing my total back down to 26.8 lbs lost.  I'm pretty sure what kept me on track this week was the daily pre-tracking of my food.  There are no surprises this way.  I don't do surprises when it comes to meal planning!

This weekend was a busy one, as will be all of my weekends in September.  On Saturday we celebrated with Joel's cousin as she walked down the aisle in a princess-y style ball gown.  She was beautiful!

The reception was held at Running Hare Vineyard in Maryland.  We were given two wine options, and I went with the white.  It was delicious!  So delicious that I spent all day Sunday recovering from a lovely hangover.  Not exactly my best move yet - seeing as how I had an exam on Monday and needed to spend Sunday reviewing.

It was quite the show.  Everytime I drink like that, I immediately regret it.  Not because of the impending hangover (yes, it does suck), but more so because I know I acted foolish.  To some it might have been hilarious.  To me - ugh... what a disgrace!

The GREAT news is that I earned an 'A' on today's anatomy and physiology exam and I'm so proud!  I definitely worked hard for it - studying daily - yes, even yesterday I managed to review my notes for a substantial amount of time.   The productivity has continued all day long as a result of that awesome start to my day.  I finally ordered  my blogger information cards (aka "business cards") for FitBloggin'!  Will you be attending?

Hope you had a great weekend!

Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha

Alright buds, I did the research today on the Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha (SCM), and here's what I came up with....

First off, it's always important to give credit where credit is due.  WE ALL have Kelly @ No Thanks to Cake to thank for this concoction.  Let me make that clear! Sometimes you have these moments in life where you're like, "Why didn't I think of that?"... and Kelly does that a lot for me.  She tends to make the obvious even more obvious for myself :).  Case in point - if you're trying to enjoy some 'bucks, but you don't want to splurge on the full drink recipe/calories, why not modify it?  We do it with food, so why not beverages?  There's clearly no better place to do this than at a Starbucks, where customizing your drink is the norm.  Still, I would have never thought to ask my barista to go easy on the pumps.  Duh!  Thank God someone is a genius out there!

So, with that being said, I took the research that Kelly has already generously done, and added on to it.  She learned that your baseline tall, nonfat SCM contains 3 pumps each of the mocha and toffee nut syrups.  Based on the nutri-stats, that is 25 calories per pump of the mocha syrup, and 20 calories per pump of the toffee nut (reference chart above).  That means, in a tall SCM, you're swallowing 135 extra calories just in syrups. However, when you only do 1 pump mocha + 2 pumps toffee nut in a tall (no whip!)... NOW we're talkin'!

What the NTTC queen discovered is that the SCM is simply a prettied up version of a caffe mocha.  That's great!  Why?  Because not all that long ago, Starbucks debuted a SKINNY version of the caffe mocha, which is good news for us!

Still, here is where things get a little hairy, and we learn why this is only an estimate.  At this time, I'm not 100% certain that the mocha syrup they use in the skinny version is totally sugar-free and totally calorie free.  So, for now, I am accepting that the baseline tall skinny mocha's nutri-stats already has 3 pumps of the skinny syrup included in their calculations below.  In order to get our estimated PointsPlus, just add on 2 pumps-worth of nutri-stats of the toffee nut and you can achieve a close estimate of your PointsPlus value.

Calories - 165

(110 cals from skinny mocha + 40 cals of 2 pumps toffee nut + 15 cals caramel drizzle)

Fat - 1.5g

(no fat in syrup + 0.5g fat in caramel drizzle)

Total Carbs - 26g

(14g from skinny mocha + 10g from toffee nut + 2g caramel drizzle)

Dietary Fiber - 3g

(no fiber in syrup)

Protein - 11g

(no protein in syrup)

Total PointsPlus = 4

(I calculated a grande at 5 PointsPlus - 

2 pumps skinny mocha + 3 pumps toffee nut)

In conclusion, if the mocha syrup is sugar free, then the PointsPlus total would stand as is because it would not affect the nutrition stats based on the other sugar free syrups (refer to chart above).  However, if the mocha syrup is "light", and we're only doing 1 pump of it versus the 3 pumps for the baseline drink, then we've most likely over-estimated our PointsPlus value, but I'm sure not by much, even if at all.  I'd rather estimate more than less in this case!

And by the way, I tried the SCM today and fell immediately in love.

And I won't lie to you when I say this: I enjoy it more than my beloved pumpkin spice!  The SCM has a lot of nice flavors melding together.

The PSL.... well, let's just say we've "separated" for now!

I Luv Fall

Growing up in western Pennsylvania, summertime was my favorite season hands down.  Not only was school out, but I got to spend as much time as I wanted in my parents' pool, lazily floating around on the lounge chair deep into the pages of a book.

Summer in PA meant mildly warm days, and refreshing nights (mostly!).  But perhaps most importantly, summer meant the bitter cold temperatures were over, and there was no more drudging up and down the steep driveway of Wayne & Cindy's because, despite having SUVs and trucks with 4 wheel drive, Cindy was simply too afraid to travel up the driveway when it was covered in snow!

As a college student, summer meant working at my job at the drugstore (which I loved), or eventually, living my last 2 summers at Penn State - enjoying micro-brews at my favorite restaurant.  In hindsight..... those were the days!

*sigh*

Once I moved to Virginia, summertime became my worst enemy.  Summertime in our nation's capital goes something like this:

• boggy, hot, humid temperatures - where by the time I arrive to work for 6:30 AM, I already need to another shower.   
• tourists jammed packed into Metro trains (which, without fail, causes delays) 
• air conditioning units on trains simply shutting down, resulting in Ovens-on-Rails.  
• major traffic delays due to "sun glare" in both the a.m. and p.m. commutes.  

By the time September roles around in these parts, I am about to reach my peak of the year.  Friends, these next 4 months are my absolute favorite!  Fall means pumpkin carving with my niece and nephew, watching the leaves change into vibrant shades of red and orange, and partaking in a few fall winery tours.  I. love. it!

But you know what else comes with fall?  Starbucks. Pumpkin. Spice. Lattes.  *HUGE sigh*

I LOVE these drinks!  What I don't love, however, is the 7 PointsPlus value for a freaken grande!  That's nuts!  As much as I adore this taste of fall in a cup, this year, I am putting my foot down and simply not indulging like I have in years past.  While all the health experts preach non stop about how you shouldn't drink your calories, I still need a nice brew in the morning.  But not one for 7 PointsPlus! 

Kelly has shared her concoction for the other fall hit - the salted caramel latte: tall, nonfat, 2 pumps toffee nut and 1 pump skinny mocha.  I have yet to give this drink a try because I have yet to figure out a good estimate for the PointsPlus value.  However, thanks to the NTTC queen herself, I was able to finally uncover the nutrition facts for their syrups. (I couldn't find this particular info anywhere on their website.  Can you?)  I picked up this brochure today at the store:

This drink is on my "to try" list!  Once I figure out the PointsPlus.. I will share with you to see if you got the same estimate.

What gets you excited about fall?

Made to Crave - Ch 4 Reflections

I'm back again for more reflections!  So glad I decided to do this via TBW... I enjoy going back through and re-reading my thoughts.  Hopefully it helps these ideas stick!

Chapter 1 Reflections.
Chapter 2 Reflections.
Chapter 3 Reflections.

1. When a friend expresses success with healthy food choices and losing weight, do you feel encouraged and inspired by her example, or do you feel discouraged and envious?  Do you communicate your feelings to your friend or keep them to yourself?

What a great question!  Honestly, the answer here for me depends on who the person is.  I am very often encouraged by several of your stories, and when you share a loss with me I am genuinely thrilled for you.  I also find it inspiring.  One of my absolute favorite weight loss bloggers started her journey near the current weight that I am today, and she is so close to reaching her goal.  That is very inspiring to me.  I know it's not always been an easy road for her, so when she has a victory, I'm thrilled and inspired to know that I can do it too.

Conversely, there are some people who shared weight loss victories with me where I immediately get upset.  This mostly occurs with people in my "real" life (i.e. not bloggers!).  I wouldn't even say the feeling is of envy for me, as much as it is of annoyance and frustration.  So,  you're 5'8", 130ish lbs and you think you need to lose weight?  I have a hard time getting excited for people who think they have 5 lbs to lose or 10 lbs to lose when they hardly realize what it's like to live an obese lifestyle.  I also often feel even more like $hit when super skinny people share their weight loss victories with me, because I feel like.... they're telling the fat girl in order to make me jealous?  Perhaps I over think this!

2. Complete this sentence:  I do/do not want to invite a friend to help me on my journey to healthy eating because____________________.

My friends in this journey are you guys.  You guys who know exactly what it's like to fight the good fight of loads of weight to lose.  I will honestly tell you that in my real life, there is not a single person who I would invite along to help me on this journey.  Come to think of it, I actually do not have a single close friend who is/was fat, and therefore I wouldn't ever feel good about inviting any of my current friends along on this journey.  At the end of the day, they don't know what it's like to have nearly 100 lbs to lose.  They don't know what it's like to eat in an uncontrollable way.  They cannot possibly remotely relate to the struggles I've dealt with for just about half of my life.   Do you sense bitterness? Ha!  Perhaps there is a little of that thrown in there!

3. If accountability is crucial, what is the biggest challenge you face in making accountability part of your healthy eating plan?

Not tracking absolutely everything I put into my mouth, regardless of the fact that it will send me into the red for the week - is the biggest challenge I have.  Why is it hard for me to track?  Mainly because tracking that setback forces me to come to terms with the guilt and reality of the crap I just ate.  Seeing eTools going into the red (yes, it happens!) makes me feel like a huge failure!

Still, tracking is so important because, more times than not, when I've tracked a "detour", I feel so much better when I see that it really wasn't as bad as I thought.  Therefore, by tracking and seeing the numbers in black and white ("Oh, that wasn't so bad afterall"), I don't send myself into a downward binging spiral.  Certainly, there are times when it is as bad as I thought, but I still feel all the better because I wrote it down.

I've had this mindset that if I don't write it down, it "never happened".  Yeah, I know. Stupid!   You know where that gets me though?  A gain on the scale (or no loss).   Tighter pants and shirts.  Feelings of sluggishness.  The scale can sometimes lie (i.e. you ate well all week and you were "robbed" by the scale).  However, the way you truly feel does not lie.   Not only that, you obviously know you ate a bunch of crap that you chose not to acknowledge on paper (or eTools, in my case).  Pretending it didn't happen does absolutely no good for you (or me, rather!).

4. If you were to imagine a life-giving experience of accountability, one that empowers you and helps you to feel companioned rather than alone in your struggles, how would you describe that experience?  What kind of person would you want to be accountable to?  What do you hope this person would do for you?  What do you hope they would not do?  How would you determine whether or not the relationship is providing effective accountability?

I think the way I envision it is just that I would have a best bud that I could check in with as often as I needed to.  I would want to be accountable to someone who is going to support me in my journey, giving me encouragement when I need it, but to also push me and set me straight when I'm being a sissy.  What I would not want them to do is leave me hanging.  I would pretty much want someone at my beck and call! LOL... Obviously this person probably doesn't exist.. that's what God is for right?  But at the end of the day, I wouldn't want this person to judge me.  I wouldn't want them to make me feel like a failure.  I would just want undying support whenever I needed it.

Share some of your answers with me!

Weekend Recap

I so needed this 3 day weekend.  All of last week I was exhausted as a result of having a hard time falling asleep almost every night.  I am a person who needs at least 7 hours each night and I wasn't getting anything close to that.  Anyhow, this weekend afforded me some much needed rest!

Along with the relaxation, I was also extremely productive.  I got in all 3 days of activity for the week: Friday - elliptical, Saturday - Wii Fit Plus, Monday - WW Core Cardio.  Now, overall I'd say I had a great on plan weekend.  I did have a few "detours" along the way, but I recovered quickly (and proceeded to throw those bags of Red Hots & Sugar Daddies into the trash!).  Normally I would just allow the failures to keep mounting, but I got myself back under control by the next meal (not the next day!).

Lesson Learned: When shopping, take a healthy snack!  Even if you don't anticipate getting hungry, take it!  It's better to be prepared than give in to temptation (i.e. candy).

Additionally, I got loads of homework done.  In case you're new here, or don't know, I am pursuing a second degree/second career in nursing.   I love it and I love my classes, but they are no joke.  I cannot stress enough how much harder online classes are.  You think they're easy because you don't have to attend class?  Wrong!  I spend so much time studying every day because I'm essentially teaching the material to myself.  In the case of anatomy and physiology - the work is endless!  Needless to say, I spent the majority of my weekend studying.

Naturally, Charles just had to help.

He was as bored (and frustrated!) of the chemistry chapter as I was.

"Sodium combines with chlorine to make WHAT again??"

Not to be the lady who lets a weekend pass by without a shopping trip, I also visited TJ Maxx and Marshalls this weekend.  I have to say, I normally have a lot of luck at both of these places, especially in the plus size department.  This weekend, it was sort of a bust.  I only found two tops at TJ Maxx.  I ended up having far more luck for Joel.  He's very into the "dry-tech" clothing, so I scored 4 shirts for him.

One place I did have awesome luck was Payless.  I used to hate that place - detesting the man-made leather shoes.  (This is definitely my mother coming out in me!  She would say it is such a waste to spend money on "fake" leather shoes when you can buy something of more quality at a department store.)  However, Payless is fast becoming my favorite shoe store.  They're relatively cheap for cute and stylish knock offs of designer duds.  I also have to admit, all the shoes I've bought there within the last year are still going strong!  I've had great luck with their flats, and this is also the place I bought all of my summer sandals.  

Today I nailed these 3 beauties:

I'm so excited to use my Looks I Love pinboard to come up with some outfits to wear with these.

I already have a few in mind.

Charles Always-Needing-Attention Busbee

 Additionally, I snagged these navy blue flats at Marshalls ($19.99):

What are your thoughts on Marshalls/TJ Maxx and Payless?  Do you shop at those places?

Hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend!