Cowboy Spaghetti & Weekend Plans

On the dinner menu this week was, quite frankly, a ton of pasta.  It started off with Cowboy Spaghetti, followed by penne with homemade meatballs, and we rounded it all out last night with Joel's favorite, Million Dollar Spaghetti. 

But please allow me to share this recipe for the Cowboy Spaghetti.  I borrowed this meal from the Eat What You Love cookbook.  This was different from traditional spaghetti in that it combined 3 different meats (beef, turkey and bacon) and was topped off with cheddar cheese, instead of the traditional grated Parmesan. 

I had never heard of this version of pasta prior to making it but after soliciting feedback on Facebook, Kelly confirmed that she had!  As it turns out, a quick Google search proved that other versions exist out there too, including a 5 star version by Rachael Ray (her version has 298 reviews!).  If you click over, you'll see that the ingredients in her recipe are practically the same as this one I'm about to share!


Cowboy Spaghetti - 4 PointsPlus (for the sauce only)

Ingredients:

• 3 slices center-cut bacon, chopped
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
• 3-4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 lbs lean ground beef
• 1/2 pound lean ground turkey
• 1/8 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp hot sauce (like Tabasco)
• 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 (14 oz) can fire-roasted chopped tomatoes
• 1 (15 oz) can tomato sauce
• 3/4 cup (3 oz) reduced-fat shredded cheddar cheese

Directions:

1. Start by cooking your pasta of choice according to the package directions while preparing the sauce.  Set aside when done.
2. Add the bacon to a large saute pan over medium-high heat and cook 5-6 minutes, or until slightly crispy.  Add the onion, bell pepper, garlic and oregano and cook for 3-4 minutes, or until veggies are slightly softened.  Add the ground beef and turkey.  Break apart the meat as it cooks for 5-7 minutes, or until browned.
3.  Add the black pepper, hot sauce, Worcestershire, chopped tomatoes, and tomato sauce.  Stir and allow to simmer for 10 minutes.





4. Serve the hot pasta topped with 1/2 cup of the cowboy sauce and shredded cheese.

*************************

This weekend I'll be hitting the books and studying all there is to know about human anatomy and physiology.  In case you're new around here, I'm working on a second degree - I want to become a nurse!  

That's right - 4 textbooks for one measly class!  Other than studying, I may have a little shopping trip break to TJ Maxx and/or Lane Bryant.  Apparently LB is having major sales this weekend. 

I'm setting myself up for a fantastic, on plan weekend.  I've already completed 1 of my workouts for the week and I'm feeling very focused and motivated.  

Here's to maintaining a positive, on plan and productive weekend!

Made to Crave - Ch 3 Reflections

I really love this book and the things I'm learning.  I hope that someone out there is reaping some benefits from my reflections, but if not - I most definitely am!

Chapter 1.
Chapter 2.

Chapter 3: Getting a Plan

1. What thoughts, images, or emotions do you associate with the word plan?  Are you the kind of person who says, "I love it when a plan comes together!" or are you more likely to say, "Plan-schamn, can't we all just go with the flow?"

I do love a good plan.  I do.  Like when we go on vacation, I drive Joel crazy with my Frommer's guide books.  I enjoy having some direction from day to day, especially when on a vacation.

However, when it comes to planning anything related to healthy eating, I cringe at the thought of planning.  Lately, planning for me means something else I'm going to fail at.  It takes a lot of work to plan a variety of meals for each week.  Additionally, it takes a few minutes (yes, just minutes) each night to plan out my menu for the next day.  I'd rather be doing other things instead of pre-tracking my Points.  Other than the time devotion to pre-tracking, I think what I enjoy about not pre-tracking is the surprise of what I might get to eat from day-to-day.  I track as I go.  A lot of good this has done for me!

2. Are there areas of your life in which having a plan works well for you?  For example, in your finances, for vacation trips, accomplishing daily tasks, reaching professional goals, reading through the Bible in a year.  In these areas of your life, does having a plan feel empowering or restrictive?  Do your feelings change when the plan is about food, what you will eat and not eat?

As I said above, I thrive with plans in certain aspects of my life.  I need that structure.  I need something that I can compare my current status against to know how/if I'm reaching my goals, whether that be with money savings, daily to-do lists, how far along I am in nursing school, etc.  For the most part, having a plan in areas of my life is very empowering for me.  I feel in control.  Though I have to admit, sometimes I feel like a slave to my plan.  I wish I could be more spontaneous at times.  But then again, I choose spontaneity with food and that gets me NO WHERE.  Reading that part of the question felt so good by the way.  I often wonder how I can get it together with almost every other area of my life but not with food.  I feel like I am the only person who struggles with justifying my meal choices (i.e. choosing Chick Fil A over eating my nicely portioned out, PointsPlus friendly packed lunch).  Or I feel alone with not being able to gain control over food.  I think this is because a lot of the blogs I read for inspiration are people who have already accomplished most, if not all, of their weight loss goals.  Then I think, "Well obviously they knew how to resist temptation or restrict themselves from certain foods/cravings, but I just don't have that ability."

3. "My changing body revealed all my secrets...Poor choices with food will rat me out every time".  What is the relationship between food and secrets?  What secrets do you think your body reveals?

I think the relationship between food and secrets is that there are no secrets!  If you continue to feed your body that 6 pack of fresh, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, it's eventually going to catch up with you somewhere on your body.  I am a 240 lbs female.  I am this weight for a reason, and that reason is not because I binge on lettuce!  I don't think it's any secret that I have an issue with food because I think generally speaking, overweight people are overweight because we don't know how to eat properly.  Yes, there are exceptions to every rule.  But, the fact of the matter is, I have a badonka-donk the size that I do because of my poor eating choices!

4. Choosing a healthy eating plan that works for you may require research, experimentation, and consultation with your doctor or other health care professionals.  How does the prospect of doing these things make you feel?  Does it energize you and help you to feel equipped or does it overwhelm you and make you feel discouraged?

I wish I could undo all my poor eating habits related to Weight Watchers and start with a clean slate.  For instance, because I don't like many vegetables, I rarely get in the daily required amount from WW.  A lot of times I forget there is even a required amount!  Why?  I've ignored it for so long it's as though I've developed "Hilary's Modified WW Plan".

I've been working on going back through my WW materials and re-reading everything, trying to undo the poor habits I've acquired over the years.  The only feeling I have about this right now is exhaustion from constantly "starting over".

5. Lysa described her food plan but emphasized the importance of choosing a healthy plan that works for you.  What words or phrases would you use to describe the kind of plan you think would be realistic for you over the long term?  On a scale of one to ten, how hopeful are you that you can find a realistic food plan, one that you can grow to love just as Lysa grew to love her food plan?

I'm confident that WW is the plan for me.  I truly believe this am.  I don't think WW is my issue here.  I think I am my issue here!  I want a plan that is flexible enough to satisfy my picky eating but easy enough to understand and follow.  I also want a plan that gives me the ability to do the cooking, rather than subscribing to pre-made meals.  WW is definitely all of that.  The problem is not WW.  The problem is centered around my relationship with food and how I idolize it.

Pinterest Inspired Outfit

One thing I've tried to make good on this year is allowing myself to still wear nice things even if I'm not at the weight I want to be.  It's honestly been really tough for me to do this - spending money on clothes of a size that I don't want to be - it feels like a waste!  But the fact of the matter is, I don't know how long I will be at this weight, and I should be living everyday as if it were my last.  Therefore, I want to feel put together and not frumpy. 

So, I'm saying all that to say.... :)

I've found Pinterest to be a huge style inspiration for me.  I use it mostly to get ideas of different ways I can wear the current clothes I already own.  I tend to wear the same things in the same way over and over.

My "Pinterest" style this week was a grey ensemble I put together with inspiration from this pin:

 
Obviously, the above is for a more casual look - which I can certainly get down with.  However, I wanted to take that look to the office as well.  So I went with this:

click for bigger pic!

There's lots of grey going on... but I liked it.  I think the earrings helped keep the color noticeable enough since my necklace wasn't quite as chunky and full of color as the original.

By the way, posing is so awkward for me.  I hate that whole hand-on-the-hip pose.... it seems so fake and staged......and vain.  But how else can I do it? 

The necklace is from Target and was $14.99.  The shirt I bought just this past weekend on clearance for $5 at Kohls!

I will have to try this look with jeans and see how it goes.  Your thoughts on this look?

Do you use Pinterest for style inspiration?  I am style challenged, so I need all the help I can get.  Let me know - I'd be happy to follow you!

Made to Crave - Ch 2 Reflections

I'm already on chapter 6 of this book!  I'm really enjoying the bits of advice so far.  Below are my reflections from chapter 2.

Chapter 1 Reflections can be found here.

Chapter 2 - Replacing My Cravings:

1.  When it comes to your relationship with food, what repeated behaviors or events describe the cycle you experience and feel powerless to stop?

When it comes to eating in general (not following a healthy eating plan), I have a major problem with emotional eating.  I eat out of boredom, sadness, stress and loneliness.  I also experience strong cravings for sweets.

I feel powerless to stop the emotional eating because as much as it sucks after the binge, for that particular moment in time, there is nothing that will satisfy that emotion but shoving food into my mouth.  So, I guess I need to keep myself busy, happy, stress-free and around others? Easier said than done.

I have proven to myself, recently in fact, that I can live without sweets, at least in the short term.  However, it's not beneficial to me because when I do allow myself to eat them again, I go crazy and binge on sweets.  I would like to limit my intake of sweets, to say, 1-2 sweet treats per day.  I mainly crave them after lunch and after dinner.  So there's a possible solution to this overabundance-of-sweets problem!  I'll give that a go this week and see how it goes.

What I really need to do is incorporate prayer into these 2 situations when I feel powerless to food.

2. There are many reasons we have for wanting to eat differently - losing weight, fitting into a favorite pair of jeans, looking good for an important event.  What reasons motivate your desire to eat healthier?  Do these reasons give your struggles with food a purpose strong enough to help you resist unhealthy eating?  How do you respond to Lysa's statement: "I had to see the purpose of my struggle as something more than wearing smaller sizes and getting compliments from others....It had to be about something more than just me"?

I listed 17 reasons for why I wanted to lose weight here.  I guess if those reasons were enough to have me eat healthier, I would be dropping weight like it's going out of style.  In years past, I think the typical reasons for losing weight (as mentioned in the question and in my previous post) were enough for me at the time.  Now, however, it's different.  I think that this time around it has to be more about improving on my relationship with God.  It's clear that I cannot do this journey alone - I need His strength and guidance to reach my goals.

3. "I had to get honest enough to admit it: I relied on food more than I relied on God.  I craved food more than I craved God. Food was my comfort.  Food was my reward.  Food was my joy.  Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness and even in times of happiness."  Consider your eating experiences over the last few days or weeks.  Using the list below, can you recall specific situations in which you turned to food for these reasons?

I want to point out that I think you can really insert any problem into this and all questions in this book. Replace the word "food" and insert the word(s) alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, etc into the sentences above.  The same principles apply.

• Comfort - I was feeling anxious last night about the amount of schoolwork I have piled up for the next several days, and so I ate (chocolate no less) while sitting in front of the TV to calm my nerves.  Please note that the chocolate didn't do the textbook reading for me!  
• Reward
• Joy - Joel and I enjoyed ice cream and alcohol both nights while at the beach.... as a celebration of sorts for our vacation in a new place.
• Stress - on the drive home yesterday we stopped at a Wendy's to take a break from the blinding rain storm.  I ate and I wasn't even hungry.
• Sadness - I ate more before I went to bed last night because I was sad for not staying within my DPT yesterday.... as a result of poor eating earlier in the day.
• Happiness - this would be the same as joy...

Keeping the same situations in mind, how do you imagine your experiences might have been different if you had relied on God, craved God, instead of turning to food?

For starters, I wouldn't be spending the rest of this week trying to undo all the damage I did last night/yesterday.  I also believe I would have received more of a depth of comfort from God if I would have consulted Him with my troubles rather than turning to food.  Food cannot accomplish my studies for me, but perhaps by praying I could have found peace in Him knowing that He will help me get through whatever assignments I have mapped out for the week.  I know that turning to God will fulfill my needs completely, rather than food, but I need to practice turning to Him instead of food.

4. How do you respond to the idea of using your cravings as a prompt to pray?  How had prayer helped or failed to help in your previous food battles?

I think using cravings as a prompt to pray is a great idea.  I haven't used this technique in the past so I have no immediate experience as it helping me before.  However, I think the same thing applies as I said in the previous question.  It is putting this idea into practice.  When I have a craving, my automatic response (most of the time) is to satisfy the craving without even thinking twice.  I need to get into the habit of recognizing the craving, then reminding myself to pray about it first, and then walk away from the craving knowing I can because of Him.

5.  Brick by brick (or craving by craving), Lysa dismantled her tower of impossibility and used the same bricks to build a walkway of prayer, paving the path to victory.  Brick by brick in an effective way to dismantle something but it also takes time and careful work.  In your battles with food, are you more likely to choose a drastic, quick-fix approach or a moderate but longer-term approach?  What thoughts or feelings emerge when you consider dismantling your own tower of impossibility one craving at a time?

I am more like to choose a moderate, long-term approach to removing this weight.  This is the longest I've ever stuck to trying to lose weight without completely giving up.  This is also because I am committed to finding something that works for the longterm, not just to meet some short term goals to only have it backfire later on.  For example, I've had people suggest that in order to accomplish sticking to a plan, I should just eat the same few things everyday - that way I don't have to worry about planning each week.  I did this before and it worked for me.  However, there are a lot of foods I cannot even stomach the thought of today because I just ate that same stuff over and over and over again.  Did it yield results?  It sure did, but eventually I gained all the weight back, plus 10 lbs.  I enjoy variety with my food, and I'm trying to find a longterm approach to getting to enjoy variety, while still being able to lose, and eventually maintain my loss.  

Taking a more moderate approach takes time as well as trial and error.  There are days when I just want to revert back to eating the same 5 meals every single day just to get the weight off quickly.  However, I know this didn't work for me before and so I have to remind myself to be patient and deal with each issue as it comes.  I think if I can get a handle on my cravings, one craving at a time, I will enter into a world of joy and success!

Virginia Beach Recap

Sadly, we are back from VA beach.  We drove back Saturday afternoon, and what should have been a 3.5 hour trip ended up taking us 6 hours!  It poured down rain the entire drive home and that is why it took us so long to get back to northern VA.  There was even a tornado warning as we were leaving the Virginia Beach area - scary!  I've never been in a situation where a tornado has been spotted while driving.

It was raining so hard that we had to take a diversion to the local Target just to take a break (and seek shelter - as the NWS was warning us to do.)

The weather, unfortunately, was not ideal on this trip.  It was in the high 70s/low 80s the entire time with a strong breeze along the ocean.  I was actually covered up with my towel most of the time it was so chilly.  The surf was so rough they issued rip current warnings.  I still managed to get some sun, however, so I'll take that as a plus :).  I love trying to maintain a tan for the summer.

On Friday morning, after Joel came back from surf fishing, we headed out to rent some beach cruisers (bicycles) to ride along the amazing boardwalk.  I have to admit, as much as I love OC, they have nothing on VA Beach's boardwalk.  VAB's is cemented with a separate, paved path running parallel to the boardwalk that is just for biking.  This way, you can bike all day long!  OC's boardwalk is wooden, splinter ridden and only allows biking at certain hours.  We biked for 45 minutes and had a great time.  Joel relived his childhood by popping wheelies and thus, popping the chain off of his bike :).

On Friday, we enjoyed a "homemade" lunch in our hotel room.  I had a turkey/hard salami sandwich on Sara Lee Delightfuls bread with pepperjack cheese and a swipe of pesto.  Later I snacked on Rold Gold Pretzels.  I'm very happy we packed our own lunch for the trip.  Not only did it save us money, but it saved me on Points!

Do you have a last minute beach trip planned before summer is over? 

It's hard to believe we're approaching fall.  It seems like just yesterday that we were planning our wedding to the Carribbean..... *sigh*...

Virginia Beach

Apparently Jamaica just wasn't enough for us this year :).

As I type this (on my new MacBook Air I might add! - more on that later), I am sitting in our lovely hotel room in Virginia Beach, VA enjoying the sights and sounds of the ocean.

While we did have an AMAZING time in Jamaica on our Wedding Moon, we still wanted to enjoy the beach a little closer to home.  It's been our annual tradition since Joel and I met that we go to Ocean City, MD every summer.  This year, we decided to try a new place and headed a little further south in the Old Dominion.

We arrived just about an hour ago and I'm awaiting Joel's return from the local tackle shop.  It wouldn't be a trip to the beach without some surf fishing :).

In an effort to stay On Plan while I am here, we brought along turkey and my favorite hard salami, as well as a few other snacks.  Hopefully this will help minimize the eating out, and benefit me with a loss this week.  I'm proud of myself for doing this.... planning and bringing some decent food along.

Here's to staying On Plan while on a mini vacay! :)

WW Helpful Habit: Mange Your Thoughts

If you follow WW, then you know they have some "mental" strategies for getting the weight off - referred to as Helpful Habits and Tools for Living.

This week I decided to re-focus on the Helpful Habit "Manage Your Thoughts" and the Tool for Living "Empowering Beliefs".

The concepts are all about positive thinking and being kind to yourself.  I'm sure you've been asked this question before, but would you give your best friend the same kind of response you give yourself when you've had an "off plan" day?  You know - the harsh self-deprecation?  I highly doubt it.  In fact, I find much enjoyment out of encouraging others.  But encouraging myself feels....selfish.

 

The bottom line is this: telling myself that I suck is not getting me anywhere.  It's not motivating me to do better, otherwise I wouldn't be in this boat.  I should be my own cheerleader! 

Manage Your Thoughts

I know positive self-talk works.  Not only have I had success with it in college when I lost 50 lbs, but I've had success with it in other areas of my life as well.  Remember those two 5K's I ran two days in a row in early summer?  What do you think got me through that?  I certainly wasn't telling myself "Hilary, you're never gonna finish.  You might as well just start walking.  You're too fat to run the entire 3.1 miles."  No, I said none of those things.  I kept encouraging myself the entire time, little by little.  Not focusing on the big picture, but instead concentrating on each step I took.   

Manage Your Thoughts

I can meet my goal of approximately 165 pounds.  I am capable of eating right and making better choices all the way around.  I'm not meant to live this way, carrying around The Big Weight on my shoulders.

I was meant to live happily and that's just what I'm gonna do.

*you can pick up your own copy of the brochures at your local WW meeting center!

Made to Crave - Ch 1 Reflections

I just started reading Made to Crave a few days ago.  I'm only two chapters in, but I've decided to document the chapter reflections here.  If you've read this book, please feel free to give your feedback!  If you'd rather not follow along - I understand that as well.

I'm going to steal the cover's tagline, because it summarizes what this book is about perfectly.  Made to Crave is about "satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food".

I bought this book months ago and had it on my 2012 reading list.  It's 2012 the last time I checked, and so this baby was next on my list! 

I think some of these questions at the end of the chapters are a little cheesy, but I'll go with it!

Chapter 1 - What's Really Going On Here?:

1. If you could personify your cravings based on your experience of it, what form might it take?  Would it be like the little orange Weight Watcher mascot (remember him?)  or would it take a different shape?  Describe what your craving looks like and how it behaves.  If you could sit down and have a conversation with this craving, what do you think it might say to you?  What questions would you want to ask it?  How do you imagine it might respond?

Honestly, I'd say when I think of what my craving might "look" like, I think of the devil!  You know that devil/angel shoulder thing like you see in the movies?  I think of it exactly that way - the devil whispering in my ear to "go ahead and eat that entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!"  There is always that tiny voice in the back of my head saying, "You don't need that Hilary".  But then, when the craving comes on strong, it's as though adrenaline starts pumping through me.   I have to do whatever I can to satisfy that craving, despite the little "angel" telling me I don't need it.  If I had a convo with this character, I'd imagine he (yes, definitely a man!) would be trying to convince me to eat all the wrong things in all the wrong quantities.  However, I wouldn't even want to converse with the bastard - I'd tell it to get lost!  I'd imagine him slithering away into the darkness, kind of like Ursula in The Little Mermaid - no doubt to reappear again later in another guise.  It's kind of hard to tell the devil to go to hell when he's already there!

2.  How do you respond to the idea that God made us to crave?  Have you ever pursued a craving that made a positive contribution to your life?  What do you think distinguishes that kind of craving from the craving that leads you to eat in unhealthy ways?

As you can see, these questions are loaded! :)  I agree with what the book says.  From a religious standpoint, I agree that we are made to have a 100% desire/craving for God, and nothing else.   But we are sinners, and that's just not how it is unfortunately.  I hope that one day I can look back and say, "I wasn't passionate about my current job, so I decided to pursue a career where I can help people - nursing - and it has made ALL the difference!"  That would then be a great example of where pursing a "craving" paid off in a positive way!   I think the distinction between positive impact "cravings" and negative/sinful ones is the ease at which they can be accomplished.  It's not hard to give in to a food temptation at all.  However, trying to pursue your dream career, your passion, that takes work and dedication and perseverance and faith - it's not a quick fix!   Anything worth having is worth working hard for!

3.  If it's true that we're made to crave, how might it change the way you understand your cravings?  Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather than trying to silence them?  If so, what might those benefits be?  If not, why not?

I guess this is about realizing that it's not necessarily a bad thing that we have this emotion, this desire, within us that causes us to crave things.  The distinction is what we're craving and why.  So, we don't necessarily need to say to ourselves, "I wish I didn't have any cravings at all!"  We just need to crave the right things for the right reasons.  I think there is a huge benefit to listening to your cravings.  For example, I know I crave sweets a lot, but it's usually due to boredom, stress, sadness, loneliness, etc.  I really should be address those emotions, instead of drowning them out with food. 

4. The Bible describes 3 ways Satan tries to lure us away from loving God: cravings, lust of the eyes and boasting (1 John 2:15-16).  Lysa explains how Satan used these tactics with both Eve and Jesus (in the book).  Using the list below, think back over the last 24 hours or the last few days to see if you recognize how you may have been tempted in similar ways.

• Cravings: meeting physical desires outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires for things such as food, alcohol, drugs or sex?  We have a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop near our house.  We just recently visited it for the first time!  WHAT A MISTAKE!!  Now every time I drive past it I have an intense desire for a glazed doughnut! 

• Lust of the eyes:  meeting material desires outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires for material things - clothing, financial portfolio, appliances, vacation plans, cosmetics, home decor, electronics, etc?  Confession: I LOVE shopping.  This one is right up my alley.  What keeps me "in line" is that I refuse to go into debt, so I don't have a problem in that I have credit card bills that are never paid off.  However, that doesn't mean it's not a problem at all!  I have a nail polish addiction, and just this past weekend I caved and bought 2 Nicole by OPI polishes.  Didn't need them at all - but I gave into that desire.  There is nothing I need right now at all, but I desperately wanted to go clothes shopping and jewelry shopping this weekend.  I did a quick scan in Target of the jewelry and left with nothing (thank God!).  But yes, this is a problem for me.

• Boasting: meeting needs for significance outside the will of God.  In what ways were you tempted by desires to prop up your significance - perhaps by name dropping, exaggerating, feigning humility or other virtues, doing something just because you knew it would be observed by others, etc?  I am a flowery story teller, also known by most as "being dramatic".  It is a weakness - I want validation from my listeners that my story is enticing.  While this wasn't mentioned in the book, but can we say Facebook?  I mean, isn't that what FB is about anymore?  Posting pictures in order to boast about your life.  I'm guilty of this too!

Of the 3 kinds of temptations, which is the most difficult for you to resist?  Which is the easiest? Why?  The most difficult to resist is a tie between cravings and lust of the eyes.  I love shopping and I love eating.  It's a very close tie.  The least is boasting.  I would actually rather operate my life with integrity and humbleness and I have some great mentors who behave that way.  I just need to get there too.

5.  Jesus quotes the truth of Scripture to defeat temptation.  Have you ever used Scripture this way?  What was the result?  How do you feel about the idea of using this approach to address your unhealthy eating patterns?  I have actually used this in the face of fear.  When we had the earthquake last year, I feel as though I had PTSD over it.  In fact, I'm still not over it, a year later.  The only thing that got me going to work again was writing down scripture on notecards and reciting them to myself on the way in to work.  Yes, it helped a GREAT deal.  It got my butt to/from work each day, and I couldn't have done it any other way.  I think I need to take this same approach to addressing my food cravings - no doubt I would yield the same results!

I'm actually glad that I took the time to go through these questions, as much as I dreaded this :).  I learned a few things and I hope you did too!

I hope your Monday went smoothly!

I'm Gonna Do This

It has been 5 days since I have counted a single Point.  This is a terrible idea!

So, I'm clear on at least one thing in my journey: I need structure.  "Mindful eating" is not cutting it for me.   I need more guidelines.  I need more rules. 

Truth be told - I miss Weight Watchers. 

But -

I need to find a way to make it work for me. For the next week....

• I will review the materials, documenting my notes here. 
  
• I will come up with 5 go-to simple meals with ingredients that I will keep on hand at all times.
  
• I will build out a week long meal plan in it's entirety to get me back on track.  I have NEVER failed when I have a meal plan in place.
  
• I will challenge myself to eliminate eating out for next week - minus the already planned dinner with our friends.

• I will practice saying 'No' to "food opportunities" (ex: being asked to go out to eat, being offered someone else's food to try, etc)

There is still a tiny bit of motivation in me to not give up, and I'm going to capitalize on that as much as I possibly can. 

I will not be fat for the rest of my life.  

Let Me Elaborate

Thank you to those who left great suggestions and words of encouragement on last week's post!

I do want to elaborate a little further after one reader said:
  

"Reading your post, I wasn't sure if you're tired of the food planning itself, or the actual sticking to the plan part."

That's a great observation, and it got me thinking.

Right now, today, in this moment, I am burnt out of most everything related to healthy living.  I know this will pass, but I just need a short break from it all. 

It has all become rather overwhelming - the constant grind of trying to plan my meals each day/week, feeble attempts at living the Plan day in and day out (not to mention the constant guilt each time I mess up), getting in the exercise and then trying to blog about it all (and more guilt when I fail at this too).  I'm surprised (and proud!) to admit that the only thing that has remained consistent throughout the last year and a half is the rate at which I exercise.  I've maintained my average of 2-3 days per week for a year and a half.  Exercise is not something I'm giving up on because I don't want to.

I'm also weary of having plans for every single scenario:  plans on how to eat when we travel out of town, or hang out with friends, or when I don't feel like cooking when I get home from work, or daily generic meal plans to get me through a "normal" week.  I'm tired of all the planning, especially when it just fails me in the end anyhow! (Yes, Joel - even I hate planning after awhile :)!).

Life as a Weight Watcher (or anyone trying to watch their weight) is filled with spontaneity.  Some people thrive at the challenge of staying On Plan when dining out or being on vacation or visiting friends/family or whatever scenario you can think of.  You could argue that if I planned accordingly for each of these scenarios, I could set myself up for success.  I would argue back that I always have a plan, but apparently my plans suck or the execution of them is extremely poor!

I despise spontaneity.  I don't like when life throws unexpected situations into my weight watching day.  I'm talking about little things, like when a coworker asks me if I want to join him/her at Chick Fil A for lunch, and I'm already starving/dreading what I brought and so I cave and go along for the fried food.  I have a real problem saying 'no' to stuff like that.

But getting back to the reader's observation:  I am tired of food planning for sure.  It's also more that I'm tired/annoyed/frustrated with TRYING to stay On Plan - not so much of being on the Plan itself (since, if I was following it perfectly, I wouldn't even be sitting here writing this - I'd probably be celebrating loss after loss instead!).  While I don't like spontaneity, I do enjoy eating different foods week to week.  I cannot always eat oatmeal for breakfast and turkey sandwiches for lunch and salads for dinner.  I enjoy cooking and variety with my meals - and that's both a benefit and huge downfall of mine.  Years ago when I was most successful on WW, having lost 50 lbs, meal planning was no issue for me!  That's because I ate the same few things day in and day out for about a year - easy peezy.  Today, I cannot stand the sight of a Lean Cuisine/Healthy Choice frozen entree/Smart Ones meal.  But because I tout my love for meal variety, it also comes with a few consequences: time and planning. 

I enjoy preparing my own food, but that takes time (as a sidenote, if I can barely handle my own life plus Joel's, I would never be able to be a parent - I have no idea how they/you do it ALL!).  I try to do as much as I can on the weekends, but again - I'm tired of spending my entire Sunday cooking for the upcoming week.  I want to have the luxury/joy of just having a weekend where I don't have a plan in place related to Weight Watchers!     

As Ryan so assuredly stated:  
 

"No need to give up, just learn, shift, grow, and you can get what you want!"

And that's exactly what I'm doing.

Burned Out

It is true: I am officially burned out from this weight loss thing.

I am now going on 7 months where I cannot get it together.  My problem is eating.  I suck at it.  I suck at planning.  I suck at sticking to my Daily PointsPlus Target. I suck at sticking to my Weekly PointsPlus Target.

My motivation is rapidly depleting.  I'm sick of "start-over-Friday"!!!!! 

Why is it, that despite the fact that I hate being overweight, that that is still not enough motivation to keep me on track?  Why?  Why is food more important?  Why does the focus always need to remain on what I'll eat at the next meal, or when I'll eat the next meal?   Why can't I just listen to the hunger signals my body gives out, instead of just eating to eat?

Sometimes I think that I might be better off if I took a little break from WW.  Maybe the time away would allow me to erase all of the bad WW habits I've acquired, so that I can start up again soon with a fresh, clean slate. 

Sometimes I wonder if I tried just eating intuitively, how that would bode?  Perhaps that would take the pressure off of daily meal planning, where if I was just eating until I was satisfied, then I wouldn't have to worry so much about all the details. 

Yet, when I think about taking a break from WW, it scares me quite frankly.  I've counted Points in some fashion practically since I've been 17 years old (now 28).  It's all I've known.  And it has worked for me in the past.  I'm afraid if I take a week off and just try intuitive eating (i.e. not counting Points), then I might set myself back yet another week of not losing.  I'm tired of failure weeks!

Right now, I just feel very overwhelmed.  And when I think about "start-over-Friday" tomorrow, it disgusts me.  Because I know I'm gonna fail yet again.  Because I know the immense amount of time and effort that goes into daily meal planning, and I cannot bring myself to find the motivation to do it.  Yet I don't know what other way to be successful.  Some planning needs to be involved, right? 

And when I fail at meal planning, then it all becomes a downward spiral.  Sort of like - work before play.  If I cannot meal plan and have On Plan (or even near On Plan) days, then I don't deserve to do the things I enjoy (i.e. blogging, photography, reading, etc). 

I don't even know a question to pose to you, but feel free to leave your advice and feedback.

Since I've been absent from my own blog, I've also been absent from reading yours!  This weekend I plan to blow through my Google Reader to get caught back up - oh, how I've missed you all so :).